you were never meant for me

MIDNIGHT HIGHWAY - DAPHNE LOVES DERBY

so there, got that from eva dear. emo mode? definitely NOT. i kinda like the rhythm. wanna get the chords and try playing it. my good ol' guitar has been displayed in the corner for quite some time. neglected. poor thing.

good lord, hope there's no classes tomorrow(i can dream right?). too lazy to go to school. i'd rather stay home with my folks than go to school and listen to the endless babbling of our teachers. i am still grateful to them even if i get bored.

oh dear, i think i'm sick. i feel awful. side effect of ...? hmm, hope not. i don't want to get worse.

before i hit the covers earlier this afternoon, filled-up my dlsu form. if ever i'll be studying there, i'll be in St. La Salle bldg for my management course. however, if i'll be pursuing human biology, i think i'll be in St. Joseph Hall. hope i'm getting it right.

anyway, that's it. my day's uneventful.

Don't you think it's obvious that I want to say more?
But anything too daring to say to you,
Will be said in this letter, then burned away,
So you never realize, I'm here.

but i'll never let this go

what a crappy day. i know it's too early to say that. it's just that, i slept late last night and woke up early today. 5am. only to find out that we do not have classes today. damn.

i was ready. i was just waiting for the school bus(i know. too old right? well, it's not my fault i don't know how to take public transportation.) to arrive. usually, kuya allan arrives quarter to six. it was already quarter past six, still no shadow of that green colored van. hmp. called trina, tita told me that it was announced last night that classes are suspended due to typhoon IGME. oh crap. if i knew it, i would still be sleeping soundly. rawr.

anyway, i have to end this bitterness. it happened already. can't redo.

so now, i am stuck here with my parents. bored to death.

cannot go anywhere. so here i am, using paolo's laptop. without permission. hahah. he's not here naman eh.

i will do some experimentations with the pictures. this time, i'll be using photoshop.

Maybe if my heart stops beating
It won't hurt this much
And never will I have to answer
Again to anyone

+Please don't get me wrong+

nais ko

masyadong napahaba ang aking tulog. nakalubog na ang haring araw, di manlang nakita ang pamamaalam nito sa akin.

tinapos na ang lahat ng takdang aralin bago pa man ihiga ang ulo sa malambot na unan. tapos na ang napaka habang takdang aralin sa calculus, naiprint na ang aking proyekto sa economics at sa cle.

wala ang aking ama sa bahay. kahapon pa. siya ay dumalo sa reunion ng kanyang mga kaklase noong hayskul sa Saint Andrew's School. hindi ko alam kung saan sila nagkita. basta lumakad silang magkakaibigan.

hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi kami natuloy kaninang umaga sa gateway. tinamad ata ang aking ina. hindi tuloy ako nakabili ng aking "load". buti na lamang umalis ang nakatatanda kong kapatid. nakipagkita na naman siya sa kanyang kasintahan. salamat kuya sa "load".

paggising ko, wala na sa tabi ko ang aking ina. hinanap ko siya tulad ng isang bata. natakot na walang sumagot ng siya'y aking tawagin. hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkaganoon. sa mali pang bahagi ng kama ako nagising.

ako'y bumangon at pumunta sa computer. pinagdaanan ko na naman ang mahabang proseso ng pagbubukas nito. nakakapagod na ngunit wala akong magagawa. ganoon talaga iyon.

katulad ng parating ginagawa sa computer, bubuksan ang ym, multiply, at blog. natuwa ako sa kung sinuman ang naglagay ng nais ko sa multiply ng aming klase. salamat sayo. kailangan natin iyon para sa periodical sa music. sinisimulan ko ng sauluhin ang kanta. kayhirap, pero kakayanin.

nais kong malibot ang mundo sa kanyang kasuluk-sulukan
nais kong makita ang paligid kong puno ng kagandahan
nais kong makadama ng kakaibang damdamin kahit minsan man lang
habang ako ay may buhay, wala nang hangarin pang tunay

walang kwenta ito. ALAM KO. wala ako masyado sa tamang katinuan.

hindi ko na alam kung ano pa dapat ang maramdaman. dapat bang matuwa dahil buhay pa rin ako? kainisan si gloria dahil may pasok pa rin bukas kahit sona?

ewan ko ba. ang gulo ng buhay ko. parang wala akong patutunguhan. ibang tao, gusto maulit pa ang buhay nila para mabalikan ang mga hindi niya nagawa at maitama ang mga kamalian niyang nagawa noon. ako? hindi na. ayos na sa akin ito. kung gaano man kaikli ang buhay, sana pa umikli pa. ang pangit talaga ng paraan ng pag gana ng utak ko. masama na ito.

masyado na rin ata mahaba ito. ititigil ko na ang mga walang kabuluhang pinagsasabi ko.

tadadadunnnnn :]

natrippan ko lang yung paint. ginawan ko si best friend. trip trip. halatang di marunong gumawa. haha.

maybe one day we'll end up free of this hurting

Okay, who was the last person who held your hand?

gabby. hahah. adik un.

Do you have a dirty mind?
nahh. syempre. COLC AKO EH :)

What would you do if you found out your ex is engaged?
oo nln :P

Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
my mom. hahah

Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up?
ohyehess :|

How many pillows on your bed?
three dito sa manda. eight sa cavite

Last place you ordered food from?
kfc. faye kasi eh :P
.
Have you ever had a surprise birthday party?
nope.

What school did you attend classes?
CSR

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
nope.

How's life?
UNFAIR :(

What are you excited for?
uhm, dying? hahah. para wala ng college college.

What is the last voice mail you received about?
di uso un sakin :D

Have you ever blocked someone on ym before?
nope. mabait ako eh :]

What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
nachos

What did you do last night?
sleep

Last person you text messaged?
mom

Are you a good gf/bf?
I can be :)) - yan sagot ni nepo :] astig

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

uhm, almost done with my human bio course sa la salle? hahah. ASA.

Are you happy right now?
honestly? hindi.

Last song you sang?
bust it baby :D

If you could change your eye color what would it be to?
BLUE :]

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
yeahp.

Have you ever really wanted something so bad and got it?
i think?

What are you doing right now?

chatting, doin this stuff

What is your current problem?
hmm..

What color are your eyes?
brown baby.

When is your next trip?
dunno?

Who do you make fun of the most?
TEACHERS - tsktsk nepo :P

Whats the longest you’ve ever talked on the phone?
4 hours? can't remember.

How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now?
nahhdaahhh

Have you seen your best friend cry?
yehess.

Would you ever consider having a long distance relationship?
nope?

known for 10 years or more?
family(like duhh), neighbors(cavite), csr friends

Do you need to know everything about someone's past?

not EVERYthing

Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
nope

Anything hurt on your body right now?
meeee arms and legs :|

Who will you be with this Sunday night?
family

Have you done anything bad recently?
yeahp.

Do you get along with your parents?
yeah.

What are you listening to?
emily - paraluman

When was the last time you laughed?
kanina :)

Have you ever been stalked?
yun thunderbirds. hahah

What was the last thing you cried about?
un na un.

What color is your tissue box?
bluegreen

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
sometimes?

What was the best thing that happened to you in 2008?
hmm, la ako maicp.

Who was the last person that made you laugh?
miggy :D

Have any regrets?
who doesn't? right right?

trying to escape the misery

well, another schoolweek passed by. super busy. rawr.

THURSDAY?
had fun. did some poses with bea and kolleen :) gossip girl style. hahah. blair and serena :)

FRIDAY?
best day of the week. aside from being the LAST day, we always have a good schedule. had our career talk from 8 till 11. at 11:20, did the DEAR thng. Drop Everything And Read. hahah.

mrs cortez made us answer the sheet something. it was really AWESOME? hahah. nahh. she said, "you're organized, a planner blah blah blah."

but there is another thing. she said my "WEAKNESS" (DAW).

HAVING TROUBLE IN COMMUNICATING YOUR FEELINGS? the hell!?

yeahyeah. sometimes. anyway. hahah.

one o'clock, had our club activity. VOLLEYBALL :) super saya.

KASO, super sakit ng mga kamay. namamaga na naun :(

ayun, pero ok pa yan. lalo na.
GLORY PA NG FIRST EVER (NA PUMASOK NA) OVERHEAD SERVICE :)
tapos! nagkabanggaan kami ni mikee :P kala ko ako hahabol sa bola. hinabol niya rin pala. ansakit dn. ni-spike ko nun un bola tas PUMASOK. hahah. saya ko :)

hahah. ambabaw ko. ok ln yan, wag muna problemahin un pasok bukas :)

nun uwian na, kita ko si KAREN :) namura ko siya. hahah. sorry :P gulat ako ehh. di kasi nagsabing pupunta. galing tate :) naks.

nilibre niya kami sa puffery :) yaman. lol.

laughtrip talaga. kawawa pa pala si kam na pinapalibutan ng mga "BATA" kanina :P tagal kasi nun isang tao eh :D

ayun. so, un mga nagcareer talk nga pla: UST, ASSUMPTION, LETRAN

as usual, kukuha ako sa assumption. seventh ko ng pag-aaplyan yan. PARANOID :D

nasubmit na ng mum ko un ADMU ko. sa september 14 exam ko. right :)

well, that's it.

.wish that i could move on :) nice wun baby.

my future begins there

begins where? wtf.

went to ADMU this morning for the review. got my upcat refresher mock test score. FAILED.
i almost passed that friggin test. ten points nalang. damn.

had an "ok" afternoon. went to mega to look for heels. no CMG. tss. went to shang. looked for black heels sa celine and cmg. unfortunately, the shoes i saw last time pulled out na ata. basta wala na.

pero, i found na something na pwedeng replacement dun sa cmg shoes. sa marks and spencer.
mom bought it naman. didn't know na price pala nun almost 4k. hahah. ok na daw eh.

so, average day. un nga ln, dumating na naman tong course subject.

told them i will be taking medtech sa uste. third year pa nila alam un. tas ngayon, biglang hindi na naman. ang gulo.

"GUSTO MO BA TALAGA MAGMEDICINE?"

"ok ln."

"HINDI PWEDENG OK LANG."

obvious naman na un gusto ko db?

kaya, i took thaa dlsu guide. went upstairs and scanned it.

i'm thinking of human bio. dlsu lang kasi meron nun.

so, baba ulit ako. told them na human bio kukunin ko sa la salle. six years, doctor na ko. another two years nalang if i want to specialize pa. nice.

tanungin ba naman ako..

"PAANO PAG PUMASA KA SA ATENEO AT LA SALLE? SAAN KA PUPUNTA?"

sabihin ko sana, la salle nalang. pero syempre hindi pwede. sabi ko nalang bahala na. pag pumasa sa pareho, chaka ko na pagiisipan.

hai! pucha. parusa. sa UST?

sabi ko, HINDI na ko mag medtech :'( archi nalang. ok lang daw.

peste. anong buhay toh?

"ANO BA KASI TALAGA GUSTO MO?"

WALA. pwede ba yun?

as usual, crybaby na naman kinalabasan ko.

.SOMETIMES I FEEL SO ALL ALONE

ECONOMISTS :)

they called our section THE economists since our adviser is Mrs. Geraldine Uy Cortez, who also happens to be our teacher in economics. CORNY. i know. hahah.

ECONOMIST - one who is proficient in economics. rawr :)

so there, antonette made our multiply account. we had deliberations pa regarding the username.



that's the account :) di pa na eedit. netfreaks! do your JOB :)

un ln :)

ciao.

the ATENEAN way

so there, had our best schedule yesterday. career talk from three biggie universities :) then watched troy for our english class :D

the three universities?

ATENEO DE MANILA UNIVERSITY
DE LA SALLE - COLLEGE OF SAINT BENILDE
DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY

ohmy. thought the speakers will be biting each other. damn. hahah. but it was really fun.

others were thinking the atenean speaker was sort of boastful. but i thought otherwise. he had something to brag about naman eh. right? :)

i really like to be in that university and be a TRUE BLUE ATENEAN :)

there. after lunch, headed back to the avr. watched TROY :D

PARIS is gay. the way he acted. oh crap
ACHILLES is thaa SHIZNITT :) hahah.
HECTOR. hmm, he's alright :)

haha and kolleen? thaa best :D muntikan na magsama mukha namin ni haha sa takot. super dikit mukha kahapon. si kolz? na experience niya un pag dig ng finger nails sa braso niya. hahah. sorry :)

the best un mga lines dun sa movie. hahah

"I AM AFRAID OF WATCHING YOU SAIL AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK."
"I DON'T WANT A HERO. I WANT A MAN I COULD GROW OLD WITH."
"IF I HURT YOU, IT WAS NOT WHAT I WANTED."

aww :P

what else?

ngayon, pupunta ako sa dream school ko :) ATENEO. review class.

weird ng kuya ko. pag gising niya kanina, sinabihan ako ng goodluck. tas narealize niya na review nga lang pala ngayon. hahah.

yan na muna :)

lapit na ko umalis.

according to ms. dorothy naval, "LIKE" is my favorite word

how was my day? GOD! it was so damn stressful. computer test in the morning, pop quiz in calculus, and quiz in physics.

of course, ms. lee was like the usual. she'd review us before the test. ms. naval? no review for today. BUT, open book. wow. as if it helped. better if it was open notes.

uhm. after the test in physics, which according to haha was "soup", we were given the homework. AGAIN, i have to ask questions regarding the thing. i asked her and unintentionally used the word "LIKE" again. so she said,

"patricia's favorite word is LIKE."

nice. thanks ms. naval.

hmm, next subject was english. and our topic was the 12 olympian gods and goddesses. we had so much fun.

"hopscotch", "bato-bato-pick", "scrabble", etc.

super laughtrip.

1. apollo - twin brother of artemis
2.
3.
4. artemis - twin sister of apollo

like DUH!? right?

then bea said,

"so they're triplets!"

"like what?"

they didn't get her explanation after that. i understood her though. instead of explaining, i was laughing very hard. cannot stop :)

told her,

"si apollo, twin brother ni artemis. si artemis, twin sister ni apollo. si artemis na ung dinidiscuss natin."

ayun. tawa na kami ng tawa. di na mapigilan :)

last na..

nung binaba na namin si gabby, may construction thngy dun.

"SORRY FOR THE INCONVINIENCE."

god. nabobo ako dun. sabi ko, alam ko e kasi dapat un hindi i. hahah. parang tanga lang ung sign eh :D

hmm, there. tomorrow, career talk ulit. this time, ATENEO, DLSU, and BENILDE :)
super excited na ko for ateneo :)

un na muna. kelangan pa magbasa ng mythology :)

ciao.

the future begins here.®

DLSU :)

there. i got my dlsu application form :) thanks to my ever dearest pal, HAHA. yeah. the girl whose name sounds awful. kidding.

as if patsy sounds good. right?

as i was saying, got my dlsu form. looks good :) comes with a tote bag. a green(like duh!?) shoulder bag thngy. i announced this morning that my dream school is ATENEO. THE ateneo(right nepo?).

i was doing the "GO ATENEO!" thng

then, then. i did the "ANIMO LA SALLE". hahah.

weird right?

mandz approached me and then and then she said she said,

"kala ko ba ateneo ka? bakit meron ka niyan tas kinakanta mo pa yan."


"ehh. pwede na rin un la salle. ok rin naman un eh. pero, mas gusto ko pa rin ateneo."

super dooper weird ko :D

hmm, what else happened?

no recess and lunch for me.
recess: practice
lunch: sc meeting

tadunnnn. what a life :)

hmm, nico asked me to be one of the seven(?) girls. props niya for tomorrow. mark will be coming daw eh. ayiii. tapos bigla ko tatanungin si mark ng ateneo thngy matapos kong ibigay un thng ni nico :)

what else..

oh yeah. i'ma fix my costume pala for the music presentation tomorrow. SOUND OF MUSIC :) hahah.

"let's start at the very beginning. a very good place to start..."

tapos pala. nun physics namin. i have to ask questions right? teacher siya eh. hamak na studyante lang ako na nagnanais matuto.

un nga. ENGLISH dapat db? kasi may SPEAK FOR A STAR nga. lagi ko nasasabi un word na "LIKE". rawr.

"so ms. naval, do we have to .. like, uhm draw those too?"

"ms. naval? does it mean we have to .. like have two answers all the time?"

"what ma'am?! can you like repeat?"

sige patsy. puro nalang LIKE. tinatawanan tuloy ako ni ms. naval. rawr. hahah.

ai ai. before i forget. my mom asked me pala the instructions for the sterilization something.

"gaano ba karami ung tubig na kelangan? kalahati ln siguro noh?"


"opo. baka lumutang ung jar pag sobra."

ano nireply niya sakin?


"very good my retarded child."

touché! thanks mom. how, how .. touching. indeed very touching.


ayan. yan nangyari sa kin ngayong araw. bukas. patay na. 3 periods PHYSICS. holy crap! hahah.

night world :)

panda fever

grrr. there, i have to let this out. my "BEST FRIEND" found out about this effin blog of moi. shitty.


i was asking him pa how to edit cause i forgot how to do the thing here.

patricia: wait

patricia: pano na ba mag edit ng blog?

panda: anong pano?

panda:

patricia: un bg

patricia: and stuff

panda: html!

panda: yun ba yung sgot na hinihingi mo?

panda:

patricia: hindi ata?

patricia: ewan

patricia: di ko na matandaan kn pano ayusin un blog

panda: ngek

panda: teka

panda: may BLOG ka?

panda: hm..

patricia: yeah

patricia: i have

panda: TINGIN?


ayun. ayaw ko pa ipakita sa kanya.

patricia: aral na

patricia: next time nln

patricia: mo tignan

panda:

patricia: sige na

patricia: aral na

panda:

panda: ayaw.

patricia: eeh

patricia: please

patricia: please

panda: naah.

panda:

panda: please?


tas malaman laman ko ln..

panda: AAW.

panda:

panda: galing mo magsulat sheet

patricia: huh?

patricia: ano>

patricia: ?*

panda: haller

patricia: ano?

panda: panong di ko malalaman blogsite mo

panda:

panda: kanina ko pa kaya binabasa

panda: SELFISH YOU.

panda: hmph.


so, mejo nabobobo na naman ako. di ko naman binigay un blogsite ko pero nakuha niya. darnit.

patricia: pano un?

panda: anong pano?

patricia: binabasa mo na pala ehh

panda:

patricia: pano nlaman

panda: yeap

panda: kasi best friend kita


yun nalang sinabi niya sakin. kasi BEST FRIEND niya ko.

rawr. oo na nga lang ako.

sige na. talo na naman ako. strike four na ko. hai.

dreaming dreams

that's the title of my stupid essay in english.

first, journal writing. we were asked to write words and or phrases about our greatest dream.
so there, i wrote: medicine, law, better person, blah blah blah.

decorated my journal with little stars and several shooting stars.

next, write an essay on our greatest dream. dang.

what's my greatest dream anyway?

do i really want to be a doctor? or a lawyer(like what they tell me)? or be a businesswoman?

still undecided on that matter.

so, i have no choice but to "invent". and the best thing my mind came up at that moment was:

DREAMING DREAMS

what the? how stupid i can get. i had to stick with that. i had no choice. my dependable brain wasn't working then. there, dreaming of my "little dreams" coming true would make me really happy. VERY VERY HAPPY.

silly right? i know i should pity myself.

i just hope my teacher will accept that horrible essay of mine. hahah.


gotta go. i have classes tomorrow.

ciao.

i just want something i can never have

wow. it's been a while.

wait, it's been a month since i opened my blog. too many things to do. too many college forms to accomplish.

UP, ATENEO, UST, LA SALLE and UA&P.

why so many? cause i'm afraid i won't pass any friggin' entrance exam. i remember my acet mock test result. man! you call it a score? darnit.

what forms have i accomplished and passed?

UP.

i ain't done with my ateneo application form. my mom's killing me. she wants to have it like .. NOW?! sheesh. if only i know how to cross the street and take a bus or any public transporatation vehicle, i could bring it to ateneo myself.

hai, speaking of college application forms. i don't have my dlsu and benilde form yet. my brother is too lethargic to get me a form in ua&p. it's his school for crying out loud!

well this is life. CRUEL and UNFAIR. PERIOD.

end.