you were never meant for me

MIDNIGHT HIGHWAY - DAPHNE LOVES DERBY

so there, got that from eva dear. emo mode? definitely NOT. i kinda like the rhythm. wanna get the chords and try playing it. my good ol' guitar has been displayed in the corner for quite some time. neglected. poor thing.

good lord, hope there's no classes tomorrow(i can dream right?). too lazy to go to school. i'd rather stay home with my folks than go to school and listen to the endless babbling of our teachers. i am still grateful to them even if i get bored.

oh dear, i think i'm sick. i feel awful. side effect of ...? hmm, hope not. i don't want to get worse.

before i hit the covers earlier this afternoon, filled-up my dlsu form. if ever i'll be studying there, i'll be in St. La Salle bldg for my management course. however, if i'll be pursuing human biology, i think i'll be in St. Joseph Hall. hope i'm getting it right.

anyway, that's it. my day's uneventful.

Don't you think it's obvious that I want to say more?
But anything too daring to say to you,
Will be said in this letter, then burned away,
So you never realize, I'm here.

but i'll never let this go

what a crappy day. i know it's too early to say that. it's just that, i slept late last night and woke up early today. 5am. only to find out that we do not have classes today. damn.

i was ready. i was just waiting for the school bus(i know. too old right? well, it's not my fault i don't know how to take public transportation.) to arrive. usually, kuya allan arrives quarter to six. it was already quarter past six, still no shadow of that green colored van. hmp. called trina, tita told me that it was announced last night that classes are suspended due to typhoon IGME. oh crap. if i knew it, i would still be sleeping soundly. rawr.

anyway, i have to end this bitterness. it happened already. can't redo.

so now, i am stuck here with my parents. bored to death.

cannot go anywhere. so here i am, using paolo's laptop. without permission. hahah. he's not here naman eh.

i will do some experimentations with the pictures. this time, i'll be using photoshop.

Maybe if my heart stops beating
It won't hurt this much
And never will I have to answer
Again to anyone

+Please don't get me wrong+

nais ko

masyadong napahaba ang aking tulog. nakalubog na ang haring araw, di manlang nakita ang pamamaalam nito sa akin.

tinapos na ang lahat ng takdang aralin bago pa man ihiga ang ulo sa malambot na unan. tapos na ang napaka habang takdang aralin sa calculus, naiprint na ang aking proyekto sa economics at sa cle.

wala ang aking ama sa bahay. kahapon pa. siya ay dumalo sa reunion ng kanyang mga kaklase noong hayskul sa Saint Andrew's School. hindi ko alam kung saan sila nagkita. basta lumakad silang magkakaibigan.

hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi kami natuloy kaninang umaga sa gateway. tinamad ata ang aking ina. hindi tuloy ako nakabili ng aking "load". buti na lamang umalis ang nakatatanda kong kapatid. nakipagkita na naman siya sa kanyang kasintahan. salamat kuya sa "load".

paggising ko, wala na sa tabi ko ang aking ina. hinanap ko siya tulad ng isang bata. natakot na walang sumagot ng siya'y aking tawagin. hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkaganoon. sa mali pang bahagi ng kama ako nagising.

ako'y bumangon at pumunta sa computer. pinagdaanan ko na naman ang mahabang proseso ng pagbubukas nito. nakakapagod na ngunit wala akong magagawa. ganoon talaga iyon.

katulad ng parating ginagawa sa computer, bubuksan ang ym, multiply, at blog. natuwa ako sa kung sinuman ang naglagay ng nais ko sa multiply ng aming klase. salamat sayo. kailangan natin iyon para sa periodical sa music. sinisimulan ko ng sauluhin ang kanta. kayhirap, pero kakayanin.

nais kong malibot ang mundo sa kanyang kasuluk-sulukan
nais kong makita ang paligid kong puno ng kagandahan
nais kong makadama ng kakaibang damdamin kahit minsan man lang
habang ako ay may buhay, wala nang hangarin pang tunay

walang kwenta ito. ALAM KO. wala ako masyado sa tamang katinuan.

hindi ko na alam kung ano pa dapat ang maramdaman. dapat bang matuwa dahil buhay pa rin ako? kainisan si gloria dahil may pasok pa rin bukas kahit sona?

ewan ko ba. ang gulo ng buhay ko. parang wala akong patutunguhan. ibang tao, gusto maulit pa ang buhay nila para mabalikan ang mga hindi niya nagawa at maitama ang mga kamalian niyang nagawa noon. ako? hindi na. ayos na sa akin ito. kung gaano man kaikli ang buhay, sana pa umikli pa. ang pangit talaga ng paraan ng pag gana ng utak ko. masama na ito.

masyado na rin ata mahaba ito. ititigil ko na ang mga walang kabuluhang pinagsasabi ko.

tadadadunnnnn :]

natrippan ko lang yung paint. ginawan ko si best friend. trip trip. halatang di marunong gumawa. haha.

maybe one day we'll end up free of this hurting

Okay, who was the last person who held your hand?

gabby. hahah. adik un.

Do you have a dirty mind?
nahh. syempre. COLC AKO EH :)

What would you do if you found out your ex is engaged?
oo nln :P

Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
my mom. hahah

Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up?
ohyehess :|

How many pillows on your bed?
three dito sa manda. eight sa cavite

Last place you ordered food from?
kfc. faye kasi eh :P
.
Have you ever had a surprise birthday party?
nope.

What school did you attend classes?
CSR

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
nope.

How's life?
UNFAIR :(

What are you excited for?
uhm, dying? hahah. para wala ng college college.

What is the last voice mail you received about?
di uso un sakin :D

Have you ever blocked someone on ym before?
nope. mabait ako eh :]

What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
nachos

What did you do last night?
sleep

Last person you text messaged?
mom

Are you a good gf/bf?
I can be :)) - yan sagot ni nepo :] astig

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

uhm, almost done with my human bio course sa la salle? hahah. ASA.

Are you happy right now?
honestly? hindi.

Last song you sang?
bust it baby :D

If you could change your eye color what would it be to?
BLUE :]

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
yeahp.

Have you ever really wanted something so bad and got it?
i think?

What are you doing right now?

chatting, doin this stuff

What is your current problem?
hmm..

What color are your eyes?
brown baby.

When is your next trip?
dunno?

Who do you make fun of the most?
TEACHERS - tsktsk nepo :P

Whats the longest you’ve ever talked on the phone?
4 hours? can't remember.

How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now?
nahhdaahhh

Have you seen your best friend cry?
yehess.

Would you ever consider having a long distance relationship?
nope?

known for 10 years or more?
family(like duhh), neighbors(cavite), csr friends

Do you need to know everything about someone's past?

not EVERYthing

Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
nope

Anything hurt on your body right now?
meeee arms and legs :|

Who will you be with this Sunday night?
family

Have you done anything bad recently?
yeahp.

Do you get along with your parents?
yeah.

What are you listening to?
emily - paraluman

When was the last time you laughed?
kanina :)

Have you ever been stalked?
yun thunderbirds. hahah

What was the last thing you cried about?
un na un.

What color is your tissue box?
bluegreen

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
sometimes?

What was the best thing that happened to you in 2008?
hmm, la ako maicp.

Who was the last person that made you laugh?
miggy :D

Have any regrets?
who doesn't? right right?

trying to escape the misery

well, another schoolweek passed by. super busy. rawr.

THURSDAY?
had fun. did some poses with bea and kolleen :) gossip girl style. hahah. blair and serena :)

FRIDAY?
best day of the week. aside from being the LAST day, we always have a good schedule. had our career talk from 8 till 11. at 11:20, did the DEAR thng. Drop Everything And Read. hahah.

mrs cortez made us answer the sheet something. it was really AWESOME? hahah. nahh. she said, "you're organized, a planner blah blah blah."

but there is another thing. she said my "WEAKNESS" (DAW).

HAVING TROUBLE IN COMMUNICATING YOUR FEELINGS? the hell!?

yeahyeah. sometimes. anyway. hahah.

one o'clock, had our club activity. VOLLEYBALL :) super saya.

KASO, super sakit ng mga kamay. namamaga na naun :(

ayun, pero ok pa yan. lalo na.
GLORY PA NG FIRST EVER (NA PUMASOK NA) OVERHEAD SERVICE :)
tapos! nagkabanggaan kami ni mikee :P kala ko ako hahabol sa bola. hinabol niya rin pala. ansakit dn. ni-spike ko nun un bola tas PUMASOK. hahah. saya ko :)

hahah. ambabaw ko. ok ln yan, wag muna problemahin un pasok bukas :)

nun uwian na, kita ko si KAREN :) namura ko siya. hahah. sorry :P gulat ako ehh. di kasi nagsabing pupunta. galing tate :) naks.

nilibre niya kami sa puffery :) yaman. lol.

laughtrip talaga. kawawa pa pala si kam na pinapalibutan ng mga "BATA" kanina :P tagal kasi nun isang tao eh :D

ayun. so, un mga nagcareer talk nga pla: UST, ASSUMPTION, LETRAN

as usual, kukuha ako sa assumption. seventh ko ng pag-aaplyan yan. PARANOID :D

nasubmit na ng mum ko un ADMU ko. sa september 14 exam ko. right :)

well, that's it.

.wish that i could move on :) nice wun baby.

my future begins there

begins where? wtf.

went to ADMU this morning for the review. got my upcat refresher mock test score. FAILED.
i almost passed that friggin test. ten points nalang. damn.

had an "ok" afternoon. went to mega to look for heels. no CMG. tss. went to shang. looked for black heels sa celine and cmg. unfortunately, the shoes i saw last time pulled out na ata. basta wala na.

pero, i found na something na pwedeng replacement dun sa cmg shoes. sa marks and spencer.
mom bought it naman. didn't know na price pala nun almost 4k. hahah. ok na daw eh.

so, average day. un nga ln, dumating na naman tong course subject.

told them i will be taking medtech sa uste. third year pa nila alam un. tas ngayon, biglang hindi na naman. ang gulo.

"GUSTO MO BA TALAGA MAGMEDICINE?"

"ok ln."

"HINDI PWEDENG OK LANG."

obvious naman na un gusto ko db?

kaya, i took thaa dlsu guide. went upstairs and scanned it.

i'm thinking of human bio. dlsu lang kasi meron nun.

so, baba ulit ako. told them na human bio kukunin ko sa la salle. six years, doctor na ko. another two years nalang if i want to specialize pa. nice.

tanungin ba naman ako..

"PAANO PAG PUMASA KA SA ATENEO AT LA SALLE? SAAN KA PUPUNTA?"

sabihin ko sana, la salle nalang. pero syempre hindi pwede. sabi ko nalang bahala na. pag pumasa sa pareho, chaka ko na pagiisipan.

hai! pucha. parusa. sa UST?

sabi ko, HINDI na ko mag medtech :'( archi nalang. ok lang daw.

peste. anong buhay toh?

"ANO BA KASI TALAGA GUSTO MO?"

WALA. pwede ba yun?

as usual, crybaby na naman kinalabasan ko.

.SOMETIMES I FEEL SO ALL ALONE